Saying "NO" and Setting Boundaries
Everyone always talks about personal care and making time for themselves, but what does that mean and look like? I never really cared for myself after having my first child; I spent a lot of time caring for others and meeting their needs. Over time I lost myself, became overwhelmed, and dissatisfied, leading to my postpartum depression at 26. This experience made me realize that I have to care for myself and my own interest, even at the expense of others. In this space of isolation and feeling caged in, like I was trapped in a world that did not belong to me, I learned to set boundaries and say “no.” It is very empowering when you say “no” and set boundaries for others to engage with you. You can also set boundaries for how other people talk to you and the type of relationship you will have, from acquaintances to personal relationships. Setting boundaries has made me feel more decisive in my life, and allowed me to manage how people treat me and what my day looks like. Taking care of yourself means taking time to discover a new interest or hobby, getting healthy by discovering a new trail, gym membership, or even walking around the block. Taking care of yourself requires building support networks through new friendships and personal care. What does this look like? Pick a new book, make a subscription, start your hobby, or make jewelry. For me, it has been everything above and even pedicures and manicures, once in a while too. I feel so much better for doing so, and so will you. Taking care of yourself is a part of setting boundaries and helps create a space to dream, create goals and be the best version of yourself- whatever that is. You can be and do anything you want, with some time to think.
Setting boundaries and taking care of myself has changed how I react to situations, allowing me to be free from the guilt of doing things that I do not want to do and speaking my own truth. In speaking my truth, others can also see the real me vs. who they expect me to be, breaking the wall down so people can know who I am. The best thing you can do in taking care of yourself is to stop, be aware, and present in the moment, breathe and take it one day at a time. By being and doing your best every day, you are taking part in the overall bigger picture of self-discovery. What does it mean to be you and set boundaries in your life? With all the responsibility we bear, it is hard to say "no". Building boundaries can happen slowly over time; by taking up for yourself and having the courage to say, "no, I am not able to come" or " sorry, can we reschedule that for a better time" to even being honest with yourself and others and saying " I am overwhelmed right now, let me get back to you." As women, it is ok to let your guard down and be vulnerable and let others in to help you; while building these boundaries. Why do people continue to ask for things we cannot agree to? Because we have allowed them to take up our personal space and time. For me, it was hard to say "no" because I was scheduled into everyone else's day, and I was scared of the reaction and loss of relationship(s) because I couldn't make an event or meet their need. Now I have come to learn that there is power in saying "no '' because you are taking up for yourself in doing this. Take it slow though so it is something you learn how to do graciously. You are saying I have other obligations that I must attend to have a purpose for me. No matter what your to-do list is, there is always time to take a strategic time out to prioritize your needs, have to-do's, and what others ask of you; that serves no purpose at all. Yes, it is good to have a routine. Still, in setting schedules for accomplishments, we must also include ourselves in this day-to-day life we plan out for the benefit of others. From doctor’s appointments, after-school sports, meetings, school commitments, grocery runs, laundry, drop-off and pick-up schedules, and work obligations, there are not enough hours to keep up with demands. You have to intentionally schedule time for yourself, empowering you to be your best despite what is happening around you. You start to do this by setting boundaries for those situations and people that make you uncomfortable. Take it daily, little by little, so that over time your boundaries will be built based on respect, leaving you free to do your interest and be with the people that are right for you. Check out these 10 Laws of Boundaries(Cloud & Townsend, Boundaries: When to say yes, when to say no to take control of your life 1992) that have helped me in my journey of setting boundaries: Ten Laws of Boundaries
The Law of Sowing and Reaping
The Law of Responsibility
The Law of Power
The Law of Respect
The Law of Motivation
The Law of Evaluation
The Law of Proactivity
The Law of Envy
The Law of Activity
The Law of Exposure
Take care of you and be Fearless #fancytailmomz
Comments